They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
