Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
