Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
