; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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