I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
