the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
