ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
