I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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