instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
