so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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