youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize