I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize