some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
