Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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