I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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