Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
