Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
