dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
