Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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