Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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