My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
