I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
