i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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