He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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