I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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