She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
