Betty ford says i'm here all night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
