Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
People in love make me want to vomit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
