I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
