guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
