PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
