I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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