so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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