If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
