So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
