I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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