that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
