sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
