Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
