I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
