and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
