Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
