I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
