apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize