it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We are all done wearing pants today
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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