see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
