It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
