The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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