i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
