worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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