My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
