hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he shaved USA in his pubs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
