After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
