So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
