I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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