At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So squirting runs in the family.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
