Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
