This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
