you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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