that's an acceptable place to lick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
