Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
