How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize