Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
