it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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