I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
