its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
