Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
