I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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