You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
