Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
