We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
