But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
