I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
